Transforming yourself – Transforming the world

Turiya Hanover takes a radical approach to the personal and social problems of our present time, bringing spiritual activism to a whole new level of global involvement through simple but extremely powerful principles. She has been leading The “Path Of Love“ process in Australia and worldwide for many years, and has thirty-five years experience in a range of healing modalities including Trauma Solutions, Counseling, Family Constellations, Leadership Training and Essence Work.

"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

Back in the early 70’s my husband and I were students in Southern Germany. We would go marching with all our fellow students, waving the flag against capitalism, thinking that we could change the world by our protest screams and heated discussions. We were “anti” anything; capitalism, fascism and whatever we deemed was not ‘for the people’. We believed by marching and protesting we could finally emancipate the world.

Not long after, my husband and I had a big fight – screaming back and forth at each other. What it was about seemed to be so irrelevant; it was senseless anger spontaneously erupting out of our pores. We both realized that the change that needed to happen on the outside really needed to take place on the inside for both of us. As long as we carried that much anger and blame inside of us, it was impossible to change the external.

From one day to the next we packed our bags, sold everything else, and were on our way to India to find somebody who could teach us how to change from the inside – to show us how to achieve the radical transformation we so longed for. We traveled far and wide, eventually reaching a mystery school in the heart of India. We became disciples of an Indian Guru and we surrendered our lives to only one idea: waking up to full consciousness, through a fundamental inner revolution. I learned to meditate, to become still ¬– to love silence, and quiet the restless mind. But I also learned to open up my passion for love and for life. I learned to open my heart.

I studied Humanistic Psychology and Eastern Meditation techniques. I learned to give birth to a new way of being and a new way of helping others. The principle teaching was: ”You have to first clean up your own house before you can help anybody else” The transformation we were looking for had to happen inside of me. The Sufis call it:

“Cleaning the dust from the mirror of your heart”

Having a human heart is a very unsafe and dangerous business. It is the source of great joy and happiness and yet at the same time can be the source of immense pain and anguish. It is obvious that we can be more effective and real when our hearts are open. We can act more authentically and become less reactive, and thus are more efficient agents for spiritual and social activism. However, as long as we are in reaction to somebody or some event, we are caught up in it and create even more entanglement and complication, no matter how good our intentions might be.

It is hard to stay open when life challenges you with so many painful experiences. Our tendency is to create a pain-free zone by building a ring of protection and defensiveness around our heart. Unfortunately this also stops us from authentic giving and receiving. It stops us from experiencing and being, Love.

In the 21st. century we are instantly connected through the Internet, mobile phones, air travel and technical devices to global communities and other cultures. Around the world it has brought amazing opportunities of oneness and connectedness straight into our homes. On the other hand, deep down, people are more disconnected and isolated from their own local communities, families and most of all from themselves. This isolation and disconnectedness actually creates great pain and suffering. We have more violence, and drug and alcohol abuse in our teenagers, dozens of ongoing conflicts, and despite our technological achievements, unimaginable poverty and disparity of resources on the planet.

What actually disconnects us from our heart? Having to be cool!

Today everything is about being “cool” – looking cool, acting cool. Even my grandsons who are young and innocent English boys, are using that word constantly, everything has to be “cool”. To show yourself, to reveal your emotions or even your vulnerabilities is, from early on, a value and a virtue that we have forgotten in our culture.

The belief that I have to do it alone.

We are under the cultural idealization that we are heroes if we are strong, thick- skinned individualists. Self-reliance is an overvalued concept and it has been given high significance. To be needy or to ask for help is seen as weak and of lesser value. This clouds the light of our true essence, our sense of interdependence and co -creation. It supports ambition and competition instead of partnership, community, and mutual caring and compassion. Through idealizing individuality we actually isolate ourselves. It becomes all about me, me, me! That again creates even more pain, frustration and separation. Above all it makes us never want to expose ourselves and be vulnerable. We avoid needing anybody. When we do feel that need, we immediately feel ashamed and tend to deny it as it brings up wounds from the past.

To need another and be vulnerable is a fundamental need of any human being just as breathing is. It is the source of our deepest experiences of Love.

Not being allowed to show my feelings

Our emotional intelligence is usually overpowered by a very reasonable mind. To be emotional is often criticized as being feminine, or even wimpy. It is true that at times we need a functional and clear mind, but even scientific research shows that the heart has its own function. The heart cultivates the capacity for emotions, empathy, intuition and relational response. All this is necessary for our well-being and for functional healthy relationships. We need to learn to show our feelings, and overcome the embarrassment and fear of being an open and feeling person. How does one do that? Well, it’s not by projecting all your ‘stuff’ onto others, which is an irresponsible childlike action, but learning to stand up for what you feel, to be honest and to show what your heart is actually saying.

Avoiding old wounds of hurt and betrayal

We get wounded and betrayed mostly in relationships with friends, parents and partners. Relationships fail, lovers lose the connection; we feel deceived, abandoned – and so deeply hurt that we often unconsciously shut down and disassociate. In order to avoid feeling this seemingly unbearable pain we would rather isolate and protect ourselves.

The good news is there is common ground – we all share that same wound. This is what is driving us at such a deep level. We keep running away from that pain and don’t want to feel. It. So much in our lives is about avoiding that pain of separation. It might show up as avoiding rejection by wanting to belong, covering up the pain of not belonging and being abandoned. It might show up as pleasing everybody, so you are accepted and liked by everybody, so as not to feel the pain of rejection. It might show up as a ”fuck you”, I don’t need anybody, because I don’t want to face the pain of feeling so utterly helpless. It might show up as the need to be successful so people can admire you, and recognize you, so you don’t have to feel the pain of not being seen and noticed. It might show up in dysfunctional and unhappy relationships, where you hold onto each other, and yet hate being with each other. It might show up in being a workaholic, so you don’t have to feel the pain of not being loved for who you are, instead of being loved for what you produce. Wounded-ness can show up in so many ways.

We’ll do anything to avoid that pain. It reminds us of a state of helplessness when we were small babies, when we first felt that disconnection from mother, when we first experienced a sense of separation. The first time our needs were not met. Our ego and personality structure came into existence then to create strategies to avoid that pain. Even though those strategies are not wrong, for they are needed for survival, they bring you to and trap you in the mind, so that you can have a sense of control. Pain of separation is at the core of our being, and nobody is alone in this. As human beings, we all deeply long for oneness.

And here is the key: The access to oneness – to peace, is through feeling that pain of separation. And even more surprising, it is in the center of that pain that undying and unconditional Love is waiting for us. The more you hide the pain and compensate for it, the more confused and lost you will feel. The way out is in: Feel your feelings and share your feelings in a responsible way. Dare to be authentic in your expression. And, once you start, it is not so difficult.

The Key: Opening our hearts

So how do we open our hearts after years of shutting down and playing safe?It needs practice and it needs courage. Just as we develop awareness and mindfulness through meditation, so we can develop ‘heart–fullness’ by paying attention to our hearts, and listening within. Allowing ourselves to feel all that is there gives us room to open up. Acceptance of what is there creates a true ground for experiencing our feelings. To allow our fears and hurts to speak to us enables access to a much deeper sense of compassion and empathy.

I don’t think that you can change anything inside, and make yourself a better person. In my experience of 35 years of intense self-exploration and therapy, I find that actually nothing really has changed; yet I have found a ground to accept myself in its fullness. That means with all my difficulties and all my gifts, with the darkness and the light. The personality or ego is still there functioning in its own way, yet it has lost its charge. And with it, it has lost all its hostility and darkness. It just is as it is. Through acceptance I have a ground to stand on, a ground that is not so entangled with the ego, but has embraced it with love and compassion.

I often just sit for 15 minutes and put my hand on my heart and allow myself to open up to feelings. I give myself permission for any feelings, not only the “good“ ones. Without effort or pressure, slowly my heart and its sensations start to reveal themselves. Slowly I learn to really trust my feelings and see that they are not as threatening as I thought they would be, and to learn to deal with them gradually and gracefully.

As a result I can see that my spiritual activism and involvement has changed my life. I am more open to my feelings, and less blaming of others. The more I am in touch with my own heart, the more I can feel the heart of others. This creates peace instead of separation and polarization.

At the core of spiritual activism is the notion that when I am connected with my heart, I am acting in honesty and transparency with the whole. If everybody would be transparent and open, there would be no need to hide any more. We would learn to trust, instead of hiding or performing. The universe is an echo system. What I put out I get back. If my heart is truly compassionate it will be reflected, if it is closed it will immediately be felt and reflected by the world too. Spiritual activism starts right inside my heart and inside my being. The change we all want to see in the world has to start right inside of me, and you, and you and you.

All the barriers are on my side.

Whatever is separating me from you is my wall, my belief, my righteousness – my victimhood or unwillingness to take responsibility for my actions. When I can see my way of building separation I can recognize why I need to blame another for my unhappiness, thus owning my feelings instead of creating disturbance on the outside. I have to face my inner struggle, my inner saboteur, terrorist or tyrant, before I can truly bring peace to the world.

It takes courage and tremendous willingness to own all our feelings and not make others responsible for them. It is a challenge not to blame the outer reality but to face our inner demons and darkness. But only through this inner transformation can we authentically live a life of spiritual activism and oneness.

Once our heart awakens we can experience greater power and realization of our infinite potential. Once we experience our true nature all the old restrictions fade away and reveal our divinity. This becomes a simple part of our everyday existence. Our heart, once it is open, connects us to the heart of world and thus we can step into being the guardian of this beautiful planet and into our global responsibility.

This is the time! Never before have so many people understood the need and had the opportunity to wake up and contribute and co-create this enormous collective shift. This is the time, now is the moment.