Four Fantastic Days with Forty Fearless Men

I had never done a men's only retreat before and I was looking forward to it. Here was a time for something more. A place where I could face male related issues. A time to bring to awareness my male stereotypical conditioning. A time to talk with men about things...well about things that we generally don't discuss. A time for vunerability and a time for me to turn squarely and face those fears that I had nacatised myself from, with Television and the like.

But was I up to it? Did I have the emotional courage? How would I feel exposing myself in a room full of nearly forty of my peers?

I met the first 16 on the bus journey from the Sydney airport to the Hunter Valley retreat. That's when a lot of us found out that we would be eating vegetarian and that there would be no drinking for the next four days. Well I don't drink much any more and I have been vegetarian off and on for periods of my life so it was not a big deal for me. However some of my JourneyMan companions weren't so sure or so keen, after don't all real men eat meat and have a drink especially when with others of their sex. Some talked about sport, some politics, some about where they were from however there were long periods of silence, the walls were well and truely up. This was going to be interesting.

We arrived, we were allocated rooms. I was with a K1W1, that's right a New Zealander. He seemed friendly enough and he could cook, he was a chef. Our facilitator was Kevin Billet, an Englishman who turned out to be a lover of truth whose authenticity and openness about his own life gave us all permission to open to our truth. Well we had just arrived and the work was there to be done so it was good to see that there was to be no mucking around and we were straight into it.

"What is you biggest fear" asked Kevin who immediately told us his biggest fear and told us that he expected stuff to come up for him over the weekend. Great I thought this guy is real and I guess a lot of other thought the same as the microphone went around the room and we heard about depression, abuse, seperation, shutdown and a whole gamit of crazy stuff.

Now I am not here to tell you exactly what happened in the room because the first thing we all did is to promise whatever was said over the course of the retreat would remain confidential not just for the retreat but forever. We also promised to hold the space and not judge our fellow Journeymen. However what I can tell you is that slowly and then more rapidly I began to sense the increasing determination and resolve of the men in the room to step up and conquer their fears. Having done some exposure work before on other retreats I also knew that this was my chance get out into the open any of the stories that I was running that kept me topped up with shame, guilt and the other so called negative emotions that I had put a lid on. What a relief, there is something about verbalising these things that somehow takes the energy out of them.

It was interesting to note that many men remarked on the freedom they found in talking with other men. A freedom that said they don't have when talking with women. Over the course of the next 3 days I (and my fellow JourneyMen) uncovered many of the rules and patterns of behaviour that we lived our lives by. Things like:

• What as a man I felt I was expected to do?
• How I should be in the comany of other men?
• How I should be in the comany of women?
• How I should be in the comany of children?
• What I should feel?
• What I can't I feel?
• What I am never allowed to feel?
• What would happen if you were completely vunerable, truthful and unabashed in an intimate relationship?
• And many others.....

Then we were taught profound and effective techniques that allowed us, to heal our past, change these rules and equip us for the future. Wow, what was that again, heal our past, change the rules and learn a bunch of new tools that would equip we for the future. Yes, that's right and in the words of some of my peers.

• I so excited about my life I can hardly wait to get home.
• I now believe I really can live can live an open and true life.
• Having these new tools means I can now really communicate.
• I know that I am not alone on my journey, I have met my brothers.
• I am emotional courageous and I understand myself better.

For all except the first night we also had a bonfire, around which we sang, told stories and jokes, shared our truth and wisdom, planned how we could go forward together or just simply starred at the fire (an action as old as the invention of fire itself).

The journey back in the bus was quite different as we were deep friends now for we had shared our pain and been set free. The talk was not about sport but about personal issues, about tantra, about feelings and emotions. Someone said "Listen to us we are like a bunch of women"" and we all laughed and continued exactly what we were doing. You see it was like someone had opened the release valve that allowed us to show emotion and we knew that with this group of guys it was safe. We were supported and accepted. Our challenge is to go out there and do it in our day to day lives with our loved ones and know that we are always supported.

Then we arrived at the airport and it was hugs all round. Sixteen men huging each other in full view of all not caring what the rules were, just feeling good about themselves, feeling excited about their future and grateful to there brave souls, their fellow JourneyMen who shared and contributed to their experience.

Now as I write this I feel lighter somehow, more in my heart, more at peace with myself, more centered and as one wise man put it more available for others.

If you have done the JourneyMan Retreat please Click Here to join a supportive group of JourneyMen who would like to share, express and be informed.