Emotions Are Like a River

With ACT an important part of not getting caught up in negative emotions is to take on the role of the observer.

If you have difficulty understanding the concept of observing your emotions this article may help. Imagine you are standing on the banks of a fast flowing river. The size of the river and how fast it is flowing will be determined by the impact of the emotion on your life.

For example, an angry person who is starting the journey into understanding the role of the observer, will find the river is wide, deep and fast flowing when they relate to the river in terms of their anger. Any dominant emotion, like anger, which is greatly impacting your life, will appear bigger, stronger, more fast flowing, scarier and more overwhelming than emotions that do not have as greater impact on your life.

Let’s look at it more simply. Here are some examples of emotions (feelings) that you may have in your life. Let’s just look at those that you would rather not have in your life. Look at the list below and pick out which ones relate to you and then look at how I’ve interpreted them in terms of the size of the river and how fast it is flowing.

Here’s an example: if you worry a great deal you may relate to the size of the river being very wide, deep and fast flowing – if you had to cross the river you would be feeling very nervous and probably quite scared.

Anger – very fast flowing, wide, deep river

Anxiety - very fast flowing, wide, deep river

Worry - very fast flowing, wide, deep river

Fear - very fast flowing, wide, deep river

Guilt - very fast flowing, wide, deep river

This could be you observing a strong, negative emotion like anger. as a fast flowing river.

Compare this with feelings, emotions that are not as scary, possibly!

Annoyed (for example, your shoe lace came undone) – a small, nearly dried up creek

Frustrated – a piece of clothing you thought about wearing that day is in the wash - a small, nearly dried up creek.

You. observing a small emotion that is not overwhelmingly affecting your life. It's like a small creek, nothing like the scary fast flowing river that could swallow you up if you fell in.

What I’ve attempted to explain above is how to take on the role of the observer as you look at your emotions, particularly if those emotions are having a great impact on your life.

The next step in the ACT process is to observe the emotion but not jump in and become the emotion or start doing the emotion. With the analogy of the river I think this helps explain the idea of becoming or doing the emotion. If you sit on the bank you can look at what the emotion is doing. What is looks like, sounds like, how big it is – all the features of that emotion. But you are observing rather than doing, so there is a side of you very much in control. If you decide to get up and walk away you can. If you jump in and do the emotion (allowing the anger or fear or anxiety to take over) you will get swept up in the sheer size and depth and speed of that emotion. You just have to go along for the often ferocious ride.

So, increasingly, when you experience the emotion you dislike the most, before you jump in, or even when your foot touches the water, getting ready to jump in, take on the role of the obersever and experience the emotion, as described above, as though you are sitting on the bank watching the river.

BIG POINT HERE!! At no time are we trying to change the emotion. The analogy is we are not trying to dam the river, dig trenches to change its direction, or anything like that. The river or creek stays as it is. What a relief! It allows you far more energy to focus on you and how you decide to react.